Started badly and ended well

Henri and Melanie and two of their kids arrived safely on Wednesday afternoon, and it has been lovely to have them in the house. For some reason I got up feeling really miserable yesterday morning, though, and was quite displeased that I had to go to Woodrows to get started on payroll when my friends were here and I wasn’t feeling well. I’m almost never sick, why did it have to happen then? But the Lord really turned the day around. After Tuesday’s fiasco at the seminar I has been so discouraged – I had left some flyers about the bookshop, but not that many, because on Tuesday morning I thought I would still be coming the rest of the week and would see whether more were needed or not. After I beat my hasty retreat, I was just feeling like nobody would be interested anyway and it had been a waste of time. Yesterday morning, however, I got this sms saying “We need more of those flyers!” I quickly went by there, and also ran into one of the pastors, who said that I could come by that afternoon at the start of their session and talk a bit about Fiel. Sadly, this didn’t work out, because when I got there they had gone straight on without a break and things were breaking up. I guess the Lord knows why, but at least everyone there got a pamphlet, I am so pleased that they really handed them out and didn’t just leave it up to people’s interest to take one or not. May the Lord use this and get more people to visit the bookshop! 

I also ended up feeling more encouraged about the flat. Henri and Melanie are generously letting us borrow practically whatever we want (until they return, Lord willing), and one of the centre overseers at SIL is coming over to help us with our blocked drain and other manly tasks on Saturday morning, so things just seem a bit more doable than they did…

Seminário Orvalho - as much as I could attend…

 

I was planning on attending the Seminário Orvalho every morning this week from Monday until Thursday, but after yesterday I unfortunately couldn’t bear any more. On Monday morning there was a time of worship and prayer before the first message, but it was still okay, I could not raise my hands and not pray loudly and not feel that I stood out markedly. There was a very warm, joyful atmosphere and I had all sorts of positive thoughts about my charismatic brothers and sisters, and I was even moved to tears by the worship (in that inexplicable way music sometimes affects our spirit even when we don’t think much of the content of what is sung). It didn’t even bother me that much that the Brazilian missionary sitting next to me was frequently praying in tongues. The first two messages were disappointing though – after Luciano Subirá’s message on Sunday I was expecting something quite sound. Both preachers handled the Bible abysmally, though, I am sorry to say. I profoundly disagreed with their exegesis and application. I also found the prayer times at the end of every session a bit disconcerting, there was a lot of praying in groups or forming long lines of people holding hands and all praying together, and felt I didn’t fit into that. At about 11h15 there was the first break for the morning and I decided I would not make it to lunchtime, so stuck around a bit, spoke to one or two pastors I know from our conference and talked to the people I know from Bible study. I was totally willing to come back for the sake of the fellowship and contacts with people we dearly want to reach through Editora Fiel. Yesterday changed my mind on that score though. The Brazilian pastors (there are 6 of them, I think) took a much greater part in the pre-message time of worship, it was a lot longer, and there was a lot of commands (raise your hands in the air, tell God this-and-this, say this to the person standing next to you, etc), which I can’t stand, and a lot more people getting really worked up and shouting over the microphone. Some of it was downright silly, and I was amazed that a whole room of people could participate in what was essentially a short round of “Simon says”, with all sorts of funny noises and movements. As you can imagine, the white girl with folded arms who wasn’t taking part in all this and was very uncomfortable stood out a bit more then! At one point Teresa, the missionary I sat with again, even prayed for me, goodness knows what she’s been thinking… It was also very hot and I wasn’t feeling well, so when I couldn’t stand any more I made a sheepish exit.

My favourite blogger, Internetmonk, wrote a post last week entitled “Three days with the mainlines” in which he described his experience of attending an assembly or something of Presbyterians, Lutherans etc, where he was the only Baptist. I had so much appreciation for the grace in which he wrote about it, the overall positive experience it was for him and the genuinely warm appreciation he had for the spirituality of these brothers and sisters in Christ he generally has very little to do with. Unfortunately, my latest encounter with the type of Christians I feel most uncomfortable with has not left me with quite the same positive feelings. Mostly I’m sad – sad because by giving us the freedom to interpret the Bible for ourselves the Lord also gave us the ability to misunderstand it, sad because I don’t know whether I’m practicing “discernment” or just being incredibly arrogant in my beliefs, sad because there are so many of the Lord’s workings I don’t understand, sad because I’m lightyears away from these people in almost every belief I hold most dear, even though I love them in Christ.

On a different note, I learned last night that my friends Henri and Melanie van der Walt are coming here today to pack up their life in Nampula - so I need to scramble a bit to get things ready for them, I expected them tomorrow and was hoping it would ony be Tuesday! Looking forward to the fellowship though.

 

 

Church visit and counting one’s blessings

Yesterday morning I visited the church of Pastor Ossne, a Brazilian pastor I met at Bible study two weeks ago, Comunidade Crista da Vida, I think. It was nice, sort of charismatic I guess, we sang “This is my desire” and “The heart of worship” in Portuguese, I enjoyed it. They have a nice band and whole group of singers/dancers up in front, as you can see. They’re also having a seminar most of this week, which I hope to go to, which they flew in some Brazilian pastors for, and this is one of them, Luciano Subira, who is preaching. I really liked him, when I understood what he was saying, but between the accent, the distance (fairly big church with less than excellent acoustics) and noisy babies he could have been speaking sheer heresy the rest of the time for all I know…

Yesterday our water pump stopped working. It was working, but water was leaking out, so we thought we’d just keep it turned off until we needed it, like for showering, but then a friend and colleague of Clemilda’s came by, tried something, and it was almost 8 last night before I realised it wasn’t working at all anymore! Thank the Lord there is one tap in the yard connected to city water. You don’t know how spoiled you are until something like this happens! The worst thing is, we’re both moving out in a month’s time, and are not really excited about buying a new pump. Maybe we can just replace the balloon inside though. Suddenly I’m a lot more thankful to have water at all, and that at least we have electricity!

Learning curve

         

Yesterday we were supposed to finish our little gift bags and finish our picures about ourselves, and talk about them. What was I thinking? Valuable things I learned were, for example, if someone has never done origami, just telling them to make a really well-defined fold doesn’t mean they’re going to do it. Also, explaining and demonstrating the different steps were a lot more difficult than I thought it was going to be, and I ended up having to rescue quite a few bags from looking utterly terrible by redoing the folds. More than one person should have known how it works! So we learn… It wasn’t a bad time though, even though the “devotional” was totally impromptu and a bit rushed, because it was getting late and those of us in the church didn’t want it to drag out too long, because we were still doing a giving a little farewell to Maria, our only female young adult, who is going to Chimoio to study agronomy. Hopefully next week things will be less rushed, and I’ll know to never try and accomplish so much in one afternoon again!

Orphanage visit and thoughts on charismatics

Today was the first day I got back to doing a little Bible study with some of the older girls at the orphanage. For those who don’t know, this is the orphanage run by Victor Carlos, a really great guy who has spent extensive time in the States, speaks excellent English and yet came back and felt called to start this orphanage. He got married in November to Christina, a girl from the States, who is lovely. I used to do these studies on a Sunday afternoon, because it’s very close to the Woodrows’, but right now I just don’t feel up to that, so we moved it to Friday afternoons at 14h00, and the time worked well today. I’m very glad that I spent time properly preparing and making handouts for each girl, because that went so much better than my usual method, namely ad libbing and making horrible Portuguese mistakes and groping for words while I’m at it. The Lord is good, I think the girls enjoyed it.

One of the girls asked me about a time (I have no idea how long ago) when people in church were praying in tongues, and she didn’t, and did that mean God wasn’t speaking to her? Oh boy. This was really ironic in the light of last night’s Bible study, where I just realised again how charismatic most of the people who go there are, and I was reevaluating a lot of my issues with charismatic churches and people. I think, by the grace of God, I’m not quite so quick anymore to doubt someone’s salvation just because I can’t fathom why they hold to a certain doctrine, and I constantly need to pray to be so much more of a person of grace. I guess last night I felt mostly discouraged, because I know how strongly I hold certain of my beliefs, how changes in some of my thinking were like coming to life the last few years. And then I think, well, that’s how they feel about their beliefs, so what can we ever do except cordially have fellowship together and never talk about some of the things closest to our hearts, because we’re not like-minded on some issues and never will be? I also discovered that two great Mozambican girls who have been coming to the Bible study are Catholic, and also felt, what’s the use of seeing that as an exciting opportunity, they’ll never believe otherwise.

So maybe there is some truth in all my pessimism, or at least as far as the part of me that wants to convince everyone around me to believe exactly as I believe is concerned. But maybe that’s (part of) the point - we don’t do anything, the Holy Spirit does. And in unseen and unexpected ways. Adrian Plass, one of my absolute favourite authors, has a chapter in Jesus: safe, tender, extreme where he talks about a single sentence that he said to a woman in a store, and how he doesn’t know whether that will make any discernible difference to her life, mabe he was just meant to be a split-second blip in the entirety of her life (better wording, can’t remember). My point is, once again my belief in the Lord’s sovereignty is keeping me from despair. And I think I need to learn to have a more open mind. On the other mind, as GK Chesterton said,

“Merely having an open mind is nothing. The object of opening the mind, as of opening the mouth, is to shut it again on something solid.”

Well, I praise the Lord for so much to ponder, though there are no answers…

 

 

 

Crafts ministry and progress

  On Saturday it was again time for the crafts ministry I try and help the Woodrow girls out with. We have 5 or 6 Mozambican girls coming regularly. This week we decided to start making an origami gift bag. I showed them how to fold it, but then first we took squares of plain white paper and had them paint it, which everyone really enjoyed. While those were drying I tried something a bit different - everyone had to draw a picture of themselves, who they are, their life (thanks Cori for that experience at 121!) This is a surprisingly difficult activity which I once did and at first the girls didn’t understand at all, but eventually they really got into it. I hope the discussion time will help us get to know each other better and be valuable for them. So next week we hope to complete the bags and the drawings. Of course it’s always an ego boost when one’s ideas are well received!

Today Allison and I took the SIL van and got quite a few things flat-related done, like getting more paint, towel bars, another paint roller, and then taking some of the stuff that had ended up there that we didn’t want back to SIL. I got the masking tape that I really needed and got about 3/4 of the trim’s second coat done - but I should have bought at least 2 rolls, feel so stupid now! Baby steps…

Painting

  

I went over to the flat yesterday morning to do a little bit of painting - basically the walls are white and then I’m just painting the trim, the windowframe and doorframe. The first coat of the trim is done, except for the edge (where is joins the wall) since I was making a mess of that and need to go find some masking tape! I’m excited about getting things done over there, but also after yesterday a bit depressed about all that remains… Well, the Lord knows our needs…

Slowing down

  As my week continues to be rather quiet work-wise, it has forced me to think quite a lot about how badly I’ve handled the (relative) inactivity at times, and also about the way the Lord sometimes answers our prayers in unexpected ways. When I’m really busy, I spare a thought now and again for whether I’m just getting caught up in the activity, or whether I am striving to promote the Lord’s glory in everything I’m doing, and worry that I easily shift my focus from the truly important to the mundane.  And so I pray that the Lord will help me focus on His glory. Just wondering now how I think He intends to answer this prayer - whether I too easily become dissatisfied when I don’t feel “useful” enough, instead of thinking that maybe the most important thing I can do at that moment is to think and pray and meditate about the ministry we’re in, or have an extra time of Bible reading, or work on Portuguese,  or visit a friend - that perhaps by drawing me nearer to Himself now the Lord can better equip for my next task.

Had a blessed time at the Bible study I attend with Clemilda last night. As always, at times the Portuguese just flew over my head, but the message that was shared was good and timely, about our willingness to trust the Lord even when our way seems to be leading to suffering and pain. The evening was also a reminder that getting to know people and really building significant friendships takes a long time, and that I’m not going to necessarily see my work having any kind of impact on any individual Mozambican for a long time, but I can only try and do what I came here to do…

Are we using what we’ve learned?

   Not that I suppose my thoughts have much to do with what Jack Johnson is singing about, but yesterday was certainly a day that made me wonder what I was supposed to learn from it. I can handle being really busy, prioritizing, systematically going through my tasks – but when things are sort of at loose ends, I get very frustrated. It’s not that I have no work to do, it’s just that most of it is long term, or I’m waiting for people to get back to me, or I battle motivating myself to work on something that is still very vague and in the beginning phase. So I’m trying not to define myself so much by my work and my sense of productivity, knowing that only the Lord is supposed to get the glory for anything I do, and that He is also sovereign over all that happens in my day, even an “unproductive” one  - but at the same time, my whole mood and spiritual state is greatly affected by what happens to me, and walking into walls (metaphorically), miscommunications, weariness unaccompanied by the satisfaction of a job well done, a sense of having such an infertile mind that can’t think more profoundly about what needs to be done, all seem to conspire to bring my spirit down. As always, a paradox that can’t really be worked out, but can only be lived in, hopefully coming closer to a God-glorifying attitude next time!

Baptist Church in Muahavire

  Yesterday I visited the Baptist church only a few blocks from where I live, which is the church Clemilda (the Brazilian lady living in the flat behind the house), as well as friends of mine, the Rogers, attends. I had been quite eager to get an idea of what the Baptist church is like here, since they are a very big denomination. I was caught off guard a few times – first I was prepared for the visitors having to get up and say something, but didn’t think it would be almost as soon as I sat down, and then later the worship leader asked me to pray for the offering. The acoustics were terrible though, so it took me really long to understand that he was speaking to me! The prayer was not a success, praying in Portuguese is really something I need to work on! It was a small, friendly congregation, and everything was quite informal and comfortable. On some of the worship songs there was a young guy that got behind the keyboard and tried to get some electronic drums going, but everything actually sounded best when the only accompaniment was a bongo drum. The prayers were meaningful - I dearly love the people in the churches that have joint prayer, but I very much prefer being edified by actually hearing what is being said! The message was good, from Exodus 3 on God being the one who is working, but giving us the opportunity to be part of what He’s doing. At times it was raining so hard that we could barely hear the pastor, and all had to huddle together in the first few rows (it was a lovely, rain-filled, cool day). Afterwards I fulfilled the “work” part of my visit by talking to the pastor and explaining my job and inviting him to make more use of the bookshop, and then also met some other members of the congregation. One advantage of going to a church with other missionaries is that you have someone to introduce you to people afterwards. All in all, it was a blessed day. I was home nice and early, which was a bonus, and our Missionary Fellowship was also a great blessing last night, with a very timely message about our need to live daily in God’s grace. And so one gets ready for a new week…