Today was the first day I got back to doing a little Bible study with some of the older girls at the orphanage. For those who don’t know, this is the orphanage run by Victor Carlos, a really great guy who has spent extensive time in the States, speaks excellent English and yet came back and felt called to start this orphanage. He got married in November to Christina, a girl from the States, who is lovely. I used to do these studies on a Sunday afternoon, because it’s very close to the Woodrows’, but right now I just don’t feel up to that, so we moved it to Friday afternoons at 14h00, and the time worked well today. I’m very glad that I spent time properly preparing and making handouts for each girl, because that went so much better than my usual method, namely ad libbing and making horrible Portuguese mistakes and groping for words while I’m at it. The Lord is good, I think the girls enjoyed it.
One of the girls asked me about a time (I have no idea how long ago) when people in church were praying in tongues, and she didn’t, and did that mean God wasn’t speaking to her? Oh boy. This was really ironic in the light of last night’s Bible study, where I just realised again how charismatic most of the people who go there are, and I was reevaluating a lot of my issues with charismatic churches and people. I think, by the grace of God, I’m not quite so quick anymore to doubt someone’s salvation 
just because I can’t fathom why they hold to a certain doctrine, and I constantly need to pray to be so much more of a person of grace. I guess last night I felt mostly discouraged, because I know how strongly I hold certain of my beliefs, how changes in some of my thinking were like coming to life the last few years. And then I think, well, that’s how they feel about their beliefs, so what can we ever do except cordially have fellowship together and never talk about some of the things closest to our hearts, because we’re not like-minded on some issues and never will be? I also discovered that two great Mozambican girls who have been coming to the Bible study are Catholic, and also felt, what’s the use of seeing that as an exciting opportunity, they’ll never believe otherwise.
So maybe there is some truth in all my pessimism, or at least as far as the part of me that wants to convince everyone around me to believe exactly as I believe is concerned. But maybe that’s (part of) the point – we don’t do anything, the Holy Spirit does. And in unseen and unexpected ways. Adrian Plass, one of my absolute favourite authors, has a chapter in Jesus: safe, tender, extreme where he talks about a single sentence that he said to a woman in a store, and how he doesn’t know whether that will make any discernible difference to her life, mabe he was just meant to be a split-second blip in the entirety of her life (better wording, can’t remember). My point is, once again my belief in the Lord’s sovereignty is keeping me from despair. And I think I need to learn to have a more open mind. On the other mind, as GK Chesterton said,
“Merely having an open mind is nothing. The object of opening the mind, as of opening the mouth, is to shut it again on something solid.”
Well, I praise the Lord for so much to ponder, though there are no answers…
