The past week the burden of my work responsibilities hit me like cold water in the face. It was so easy to forget about certain tasks the last month, not to speak of doing more than the bare minimum. It was a fairly productive week in the sense that I finally got our request for a renewal of the building permit for the hospital, as well as a new request for a permit for building the maintenance building, handed in to the Municipal Council. The process was accompanied by quite a lot of grousing from my side – for example, I needed to borrow a car, take the surveyor out to Woodrows and have him make some measurements which, according to me, have already been made and entered on an official document, and then he said yes, I could come and get the docs from him the next morning (I had another appointment). The next morning, however, he wasn’t there, and I had to phone and arrange with him for another time to get our documents that I thought he, as a humble council employee, was supposed to have handed in, not kept on his person! The final day involved a lot of waiting at the copy place, first for a copy of the latest document and, only afterwards, to get the proposals bound (because I guess nobody could have mentioned that to me any of the 6 times I was there. Sorry, will stop moaning now.) On Thursday it was once again time for payroll, and since Dr Woodrow and I filled everything in for March and April, to make things as easy as possible during his absence, it was a very long day, but I’m glad it’s all done. I now have a very long to-do list and leave for South Africa myself in less than a month, Lord willing. May April be a more productive month than March! The Woodrows are planning on leaving this Tuesday or Wednesday (1st or 2nd of April) and will only return somewhere around the 25th of May. I wish them a wonderful time in South Africa, but the last few months have definitely been up and down and full of small frustrations and interruptions of any kind of work schedule!
Ever elusive routine and order March 30, 2008
The invisible and unfelt grace of God March 29, 2008
Looking back on the last 3 months, I’m fairly sure part of the difficulty of being back in Nampula has been a lack of deep spiritual input in my life. Of course the Lord feeds one from his Word, but now that I am reading something exhilarating again, I realize how much I missed being challenged in my thinking by writers and thinkers that the Lord has blessed with wisdom and spiritual insight. Said book is Devotional Classics, edited by Dallas Willard and James Smith, and consists of 52 readings, each followed by questions for group discussion or own spiritual exploration. I obviously can’t keep an SIL library book for a year and spend as much time as needed on the exercises, but love what I’m reading so far. Two quotes that stand out are by C.S. Lewis (from Mere Christianity, which I own and have read twice without noticing this in particular) and John of the Cross.
Lewis:
The real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back, in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all our natural frettings and fussings; coming in out of the wind.
For me, the hardest part about this, even though the words make my spirit long for that simplicity and the joy of letting go of my own strivings, is remembering to do this daily. Why do I so easily barge into a new day, even when starting it in devotion, and lose sight of my own self-absorption?
Yet I am encouraged by these words of John of the Cross, not just as applied to spiritual disciplines, but to everything I need to grow in in my life:
The feelings we receive from our devotional life are the least of its benefits. The invisible and unfelt grace of God is much greater, and it is beyond our comprehension.
What comfort that God is truly the one who begins and will end all his work in us. Truly He seems to be much more concerned with refining me than with my work as a missionary per se…
That we may bear more fruit March 23, 2008
Our Palm Sunday message at the Missionary Fellowship last Sunday evening was about John 15:1-8 – the speaker had forgotten it was Palm Sunday, but I thought the timing of the message was a great blessing. He shared much about his own experience of when he used to be a landscape gardener and gave very helpful insights into what the pruning process actually involves, how the gardener directs the growth of the plant etc. He said that people would always stop their cars where he was busy pruning and complain, “There’s nothing left of that plant!” But come summer, when the trees were bearing fruit and the shrubs were in flower, nobody remembered the pitiful, dead-looking stubs of a few months ago. It seems as though the Lord is busy pruning me until there is almost nothing left – may He receive the glory of some ultimate fruit.
On a more mundane level, it was a week in which quite a lot got done house-wise. I packed up the last stuff at the Van der Walts’ house and moved last of my things over to the flat. Our handyman put up brackets so that the bamboo pole that my mosquito net is tied to can easily be moved back and forth (and I don’t have to daily tie and untie it), he put up brackets to hang the curtain in front of my “closet”, he put up another bracket so that the hideous cord of our landlady’s satellite dish, which for some reason is in my room, is tucked away neatly, and he put up a shelf above my desk so that I finally have somewhere to put my books. A lot still needs to be done (wonderful Allison has been doing some more grouting in the shower, bless her) and I went through quite a few cynical moods this week (“o well, one more thing that isn’t perfect”), but we are getting there. Our living room looks a lot better with a table and chairs, and should look even better when some of the junk we want to get rid of is gone. We don’t have running water in the mornings from about 6 until anything from 10h30 to 12h00, but I’m getting used to that as well.
It has been perhaps the dullest and worst Easter ever – after feeling better for a few days, on Friday I started feeling awful again, and spent the last 2 days moping around the house, not wanting to do anything or see anybody, and not feeling up to going to church this morning. Finally feeling a bit better now (11h30 Sunday morning). This slight illness and all that is going on in my life certainly makes me long for glory, for seeing Jesus’ face and being rid of all my sin and failure forever…
Moved in March 19, 2008
After countless delays and several days that passed with no particular reason for things not advancing, at long last I moved into the flat on Saturday. It happened in drips and drabs, being so close, but it was great to have the men just to do the big stuff for me. I keep on discovering things at the house that I need to bring over, though. The move spread out over almost the whole Saturday, and then late afternoon Allison suggested we have some people over and watch a movie – notice was a bit short and we just had Stephen and Arnie here, and in between Hennie was putting up my mosquito net, but we enjoyed the movie and had a good visit – a nice first evening in my new home.
On Sunday Angie also moved in, albeit only for a few days. She is an itinerant teacher with SIL, which means that she lives with families who are out in the villages and teaches their kids so that the couple can focus on their linguistic work, or she helps out at the SIL school in Nampula, which she will do for 6 months come November. She came back from Angoche sometime last week, but when we first had the key crisis and then the drain problem that was still being fixed, she ended up staying at SIL for a few days. So Sunday night was the first time all three of us were here and the first time I could get to know Angie a bit.
On Sunday I heard the pleasant news that we hadn’t seen the last of Scotty and Lau! Because of a problem with the ferry, combined with the very full river, they couldn’t cross that way into Tanzania (to be honest, not sure which river this involves). So they decided to drive back via Nampula and go up into Malawi and from there to Tanzania. They therefore spent another 2 nights with the guys at the house and were once again an enormous help moving yet more things to their respective new locations. On Monday evening we all went out to eat – a place I had never heard of, but with really good food. While we were all together, us girls took a photo:
I, who always pride myself on hardly ever getting sick, had to practically be helped back to the car, but other than that it was a lovely way to end our time together. In spite of the interruption to my routine and how emotional I often was the last 3 weeks, it was really a privilege to have these friends around and to be of a little use to them. Henri left by plane yesterday and Scotty, Lau, Hennie and Henri’s dad left on their road trip this morning. Now I actually need to start thinking about work again… 
There is a river March 12, 2008
This song by Jars of Clay was in my head all morning and about 8h00 I put on some music for us as we were packing up the men’s camping gear to go to Chocas do Mar for a few days. It summarises well some of what I think the Lord is working in my heart at the moment.
There is a river that washes you clean
There is a tree that marks the places you’ve been
Blood that was spilled, although not your own,
For all of your tears, are the wages for things you have done
And all of those nights
Spent alone in the darkness of your mind
Give it up, Let go
These are things you were never meant to shoulder
There is a river that washes you clean
There is a tree that marks the places you’ve been
Blood that was spilled, although not your own
For all of those tears, love will atone
So, give up the right
To control the waves that empty out your life
Above wild skies
Are the rays that break the shadows we design
Give it up, let go
These are things you were never meant to shoulder
Give it up, let go
There is a river that washes you clean
There is a tree that marks the places you’ve been
Blood that was spilled, although not your own
For all of those things, love will atone
I know the world can turn in different ways
Most of the time, we’re simply hanging on
And under the signs of how we all behave
We might find the place that we belong
There is a river that washes you clean
There is a tree that marks the places you’ve been
Blood that was spilled, although not your own
For all of these things, love will atone
For all of those nights, that you cried all alone
All of your tears, love will atone
Farewells, broken keys and seeing the Lord moving March 11, 2008
This morning we had to say goodbye to Scotty and Lau, our guests who came for one night and stayed for five. Their next stop was Ilha de Mocambique, where they of course couldn’t go over the weekend because of the cyclone. On Sunday afternoon we went to Nairucu, which I always love, and had such a good time in their company. It was just amazing to me how the Lord brought them across our path right at a very difficult time and they were a tremendous encouragement to all of us over the weekend. Last night we had the Turnbull family, minus Lisa, who is in the States following her mother’s death, over for dinner and Scotty and Lau were just so good with the kids, they have a wonderful gift. The rest of us could focus on the food and the hosting and our own fellowship and they were just so funny and interesting and captivated the kids. They had to leave sometime, I know, but tonight it’s quite depressing to set the table for 4! Tomorrow the men are planning to go to Chocas do Mar (they may meet up with S&L) for a few days, so that will really be an adjustment for me.
It looks like I’ll most likely be in the house for at least a few more days. We finally got hold of a plumber and he fixed our shower drain, but it still needs to be retiled there. Also, today when the guys were dropping me off to do some work in the flat and they were unlocking for me, the front door key broke off in the lock! I’m not quite sure how we’re going to tackle that… In the meantime Angie, our other flatmate, has arrived and I finally met her – she will be staying at SIL until we can figure something out, because her bed and mosquito net also aren’t completely sorted out. I’ve once again been feeling somewhat discouraged about the flat, but think it will help to have my friends around me and for us all to just pray about these things – life has been so busy and full and I need to set time aside to become still again.
In that same vein, the Lord is just bringing so many things into my life right now that don’t want to deal with! But I know I need to accept it from His sovereign hand, and I am once again reminded of that quote that says “The end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” Again and again the Lord brings me back to issues I have dealt with already – theological, emotional etc – and I need to cover some of the same ground, but there is also progress and new insight every time. The last few weeks have been extremely hard, but I can only keep on believing that the Lord will use all this heartache for His glory.
Tropical cyclone Jokwe March 8, 2008
I heard yesterday that a cyclone was coming, and first didn’t think it would really affect us at all. But for the first time since I’ve been here, a cyclone really is hitting the north coast of Mozambique (like north of Quelimane) and Nampula province is feeling it a bit. Cyclone Jokwe is a Category 2 hurricane, for those who know what that means. Coming back from the orphanage yesterday we were sure it was going to pour, suddenly got very dark and quite cold, but it only really started raining later. Today rain has been mild and consistent, but now (about 14h00) the wind is definitely picking up. Nevertheless, Henri and Scott have moved most of the boxes and crates in the house to the Turnbulls’ to be stored there, and I feel quite bereft and useless now that the seemingly endless stream of work is actually at an end. Could have gone over to the flat to paint, but somehow that seemed incredibly depressing, so have just been hanging around, visiting with Scott and Laura and the guys, and hopefully building up some emotional and spiritual reserves for tackling the coming week with some more gusto! Another discouraging day at the orphanage yesterday, and it’s one of those situations where you don’t know whether you should simply persevere or whether you’re doing something wrong… So thinking a lot about priorities and how they constantly need to be re-evaluated.
Would really appreciate prayer, still very scatter-brained, feel I can’t concentrate on my “actual” work at all. My routine is all topsy-turvy and consequently I get days that I just don’t care anymore whether I do something or not. It has been a great privilege helping my friends and meeting wonderful people. and maybe the Lord is just showing me once again that I need to find my sense of worth and all my happiness in Him, not in what I accomplish! And, like Dallas Willard says, one needs time of silence and solitude, one needs to sometimes do nothing in order to be prepared for a day when you can suddenly do nothing. I know I need a lot more of this discipline in my life and am probably not profiting from this time as much as I possibly could. Therefore, may I use this time in a way that is nevertheless fruitful and ultimately God glorifying, even though it seems so empty and valueless to me.
Man plans… March 7, 2008
The last week has been rather a blur, hence the absence of blog posts. I didn’t go to church on Sunday and could spend some much-needed time alone and with the Lord, also be a bit more relaxed with Henri and Melanie, and yet by Sunday evening I was absolutely exhausted and for the next 2 days felt I could hardly concentrate on anything, quite a strange sensation. I drifted through Monday and Tuesday mostly trying to help Melanie pack up their stuff – they needed to decide what is definitely staying in Mozambique, and what would they like back in SA sometime in the future should the Lord keep them there. This was in between many interruptions, such as the baby crying, and I felt so bad that I’m so useless with babies and couldn’t help her with him. Sometimes we could luckily pass him on to Clemilda. By Tuesday evening we felt we had make a certain amount of progress, and Melanie was supposed to fly back on Thursday. In the meantime, a good friend on Henri’s, Hennie, and Henri’s dad, came with the MAF flight on Tuesday – when all is finished here they will drive back with Henri’s bakkie that is still here. Things took an unexpected little turn on Wednesday morning when we suddenly got a call from MAF, asking if Melanie could be ready to fly out that morning instead of Thursday because of a medical emergency. So we had to go through the house pretty quickly and a lot remained for me and Henri to sort out. Since then it has just been me and the three men in the house – luckily I’m not cooking for them! I am also very grateful to have them here to help me – I need quite a lot still done in the flat, like rigging up a mosquito net, getting my bed properly sorted out, etc.
Yet again, late yesterday afternoon Henri heard (I’m not sure how) about a young SA couple who were travelling and needed a place to stay. So, Hennie and Henri being the kind of guys they are, they brought them here. Scott and Laura are travelling by car through SA, Mozambique, hereafter Tanzania, Kenya, Zambia, Malawi, Zimbabwe and Botswana. They’re also lovely Christians and the short time we’ve known them has been so blessed. To top it all, we all went to Clemilda’s and my usual Bible study last night. It was good, fortunately the message wasn’t long or hard to interpret, but then the one pastor that was there insisted on praying for Henri – who is a pretty staid, Reformed (Dopper) guy – it was a blessed time though. We will see what other surprises the weekend holds for us…
Prayer update March 2, 2008
I would truly value your prayers for the following:
Sleep: I often lie awake for quite a long time at night and then go through the day like a zombie, and no matter how healthy and consistent I try to be in my sleeping habits, the problem persists!
The move to the flat: that the Lord will be with us in all the physical details, but will also work in me emotionally and spiritually, to be ready to share my living space with others and to be able to be a blessing to them.
Spiritual growth: esp. after the last week I feel spiritually depleted…
Car situation: I still don’t know what “the most excellent thing” would be in this regard!
The days are just packed March 2, 2008
All in all, this has been a very busy and draining week, with a diverse number of things that happened. Thursday and Friday mornings were taken up with payroll, my least favourite job, and I’ve been finding it challenging to get home from work and then have people here and things happening at home. Not least, it’s hard to get to work when I’d rather sit and chat with my friends! Friday afternoon’s study at the orphanage did not go well, I don’t know why. It was very hot and everyone was sluggish, I wasn’t even excited about what we were doing, it was a disaster. However, I still believe that it’s more important sticking it out and working on those relationships than feeling that every week was a triumph.
On Friday evening I could finally spend some time with Melanie, and then yesterday was just so full again. One of our friends needed the bakkie at like 7h30, then I needed to drop off some stuff for the new month at the bookshop, and then I went over to do some work at the flat. I’m so pathetic, though, was so tired that I eventually did very little. And just when I was home and hoping to relax a little bit, Clemilda asked whether I would go with her to town. We’ve been able to use our water pump again, but more and more water is running out, and we finally could not live this like any longer and needed to go buy a new tank for the pump. It’s so ridiculous, we’ll all be out of here in 3 weeks or less!
Crafts ninistry went okay, was at least less distracted than last week. We finished our pictures and then each person talked about what she drew and told us some stuff about herself. Some of the girls didn’t understand the concept that well, but I expected that. I was encouraged simply because they seemed to like the discussion. We also had a good group, namely 1o, and if you leave out the 2 girls from our church that’s 8 bairro girls, which is the most we’ve had this year. Soon after I got home from that I needed to be back at the flat for a little get-together that Allison arranged – not really a housewarming, but a time for dedicating the flat and the people living in it to the Lord. Everyone who came were SIL people, but it was nice, some I’m friends with already and others I’d like to get to know better, and they’re all a big part of Allison’s life. Dedicating a new house in prayer is a family tradition of Allison’s, and even though I would probably have used a different prayer I really like it. It was a cozy and blessed time. I’m looking forward to all the ways the Lord is certainly going to be molding me! One cloud on the horizon is that our shower drain was blocked, and when one of A’s colleagues was looking at it last night, he discovered that actually a section of the drain needs to be replaced entirely. So although I will start moving my stuff over this week I’m not sure what day I’ll move in and whether this will be fixed before then… But the Lord knows what we need, right?
