Utterly ready for a break

Looovely “last” day in Nampula. Dr Woodrow had let me know that I need to go and cash some cheques he left with me, so we could pay 6 months’ rent for the bookshop in advance. So I arranged with the owner to meet me at the bank, but I was actually done a lot sooner than I anticipated - alas, with only a third of the money I should have had, because the bank wouldn’t accept the one cheque, something about the pen that was used writing it out… So I ran some other errands and went back to the bank, only to wait for the owner another 20 minutes, therefore 20 minutes of the fun of sitting staring at the door, waiting for someone whose face I don’t know, trying to judge by my faint recollection of seeing him from a distance once what he’d look like… After that I went to Woodrows to get the car, had a frustrating and pointless phone conversation with the one worker, trying to find out if there was enough space in the freezer for more fish for the dogs, since he had put the key to the pantry somewhere I couldn’t find it. Eventually I left to go get the fish (as you can see, my responsibilities have been rather broadened lately), hoping it would be okay. Went home, had lunch, left again to go pay the workers, had to turn back because I forgot to take some other stuff with me, left again. Then I had a truly frustrating time with the workers, almost all of whom need advances on their salary of next month, and who really make things difficult for me. They were given instructions not to bother “Senhor Rolando”, our friend Roland Seiler who will take care of this stuff while I’m gone, but they have had no scruples about asking me for money, phoning me (or expecting me to phone them back) and say “You have to come here and take care of this and that.” The other day I was so anxious, because all I they said was something about “bees” and “dogs” and I couldn’t make head or tail of the rest. Had the dogs been stung? Were they okay? All this I was left to worry about until I could get over there, and then they think my concern is very comical…

Anyway, enough complaining. Lord willing, Allison and Angie will be here later, which is a bonus, since I thought I would only see them when I got back! And then tomorrow I leave. I probably won’t get away from work issues entirely, but I plan to rest well…

Interesting visit

Today I visited the mother church (in Nampula, of course) of the Baptist Union of Mozambique, one of the biggest denominations in the country. It made me think that perhaps I should reconsider making arrangements directly with a pastor again, or else just make sure we understand each other very well, because this pastor couldn’t just see it as a friendly visit, he seemed to expect more from me than just a short introduction to myself and my work - I didn’t go there to “speak about Editora Fiel”! It could also have something to do with the fact that the church isn’t as “geared” towards visitors as many of the others I’ve been to.

I was a little nervous of finding the place, especially when I had gotten off where some friends had told me to, which was by a roadside market, and got that feeling, that I never really get in the city anymore, of “I am the ONLY white person here!” I walked up the road, saw the rice factory (my roadmarker) and knew I had to be close. When I did find the church about a minute later I was very warmly welcomed by some of the ladies in the church, which I was very grateful for - usually I would just be sticking to whichever missionaries I had come with. The sermon was good, by a pastor from Alto Molocue whose name I recognise as being on the book programme, he spoke on seeking God instead of what the world has to offer. There was a lot of singing, by amongst others the Sunday school, hence the picture. After the service, 3 or 4 of the ladies showed me around their grounds (they’re doing quite extensive construction) and, to my surprise, even invited me to a light meal! This had never happened before, and I really wasn’t expecting to be treated like some honoured guest. But they were very sweet and, for Mozambican ladies, very chatty!

I was glad I was feeling well enough to go this morning, otherwise there would have been the bother of rescheduling. On Thursday I started with a cold, felt really miserable on Friday (and spent a wonderful day resting), yesterday I was feeling a lot better and actually got a bit tired of my own company, and today I feel worse again. However, knowing that finally so much of the work that had dragged out over the last few weeks is done, puts me in a much better mood than I’ve recently been in, cold or no cold!

If not the contemplative life, at least a life filled with contemplation?

Another jewel from “Devotional Classics” is the section on Thomas Kelly, a Quaker from the early 20th century, who wrote:

A practising Christian must above all be one who practices the perpetual return of the soul into the inner sanctuary, who brings the world into its Light and rejudges it, who brings the Light into the world with all its turmoil and fitfulness and recreates it.

After reading this and excerpts from other authors of the contemplative tradition, I have felt a greater longing than ever before to know this kind of life, of having a soul that is adoring and contemplating and exploring the beauty of Christ on some level all the time, and that returns to that position quickly in spite of interruptions. Instead, at the moment I would say the interruptions, the “turmoil and fitfulness” of daily life, are the norm, and the moments of contemplation, of reminding and willing myself to think of Christ and worthy matters instead of uselessly daydreaming as I’m busy with other tasks, are the exception. Even when I will myself, the old habits take over so easily! And yet I believe this is nothing other than fulfilling the command to “seek the things above, where Christ is” (Col. 3:1), and another (for me, more helpful) way of saying that we should “focus on Christ” or “focus our thoughts on Christ”, oft-heard phrases in my church and among my spiritual friends there, one of those you hear so often you start forgetting what it really means.

This is the first time I in my life I really live in the city - living in a quiet, green suburb of Pretoria doesn’t count - where a main road runs just outside my window, the chapas start honking their horns at 5 a.m. and the roar of traffic never really stops except for late at night. I often long for complete quiet and seclusion these days, and it’s easy to think I would have a richer inner life if my surroundings were peaceful, like in a nunnery… And yet - could I learn to bring the Light into the world and “recreate” it, discover a peace that even my tense, easily anxious temperament can’t completely overthrow? Isn’t that the “secret” (though no instant fix!) to truly being Christ for others, finding the inner resources to minister and care and think of others’ needs in spite of personal difficulties?

Weekend stuff and prayer update

All there is and ever has been is this endless stream of tasks, keeping me busy from the morning and into my offcial relaxing time, up to 19h30, 20h00 every night this week… At least that’s what it feels like! At least one thing was accomplished, namely that I mailed the books for the pastors on the book programme on Friday. I still need to send hard copies of the conference info to about 300 people, and I am kicking myself because from being stressed out I tackled this whole job from the wrong end, had too many copies of the brochure made and let some errors slip in. It looks slipshod, and I hate it, but it’s far too late to do anything about it. Now I’m just hoping people will either not notice or have patience with my blunders… I got a nice little reprieve on Friday afternoon, because the girls at the orphanage had gone to a youth camp and we couldn’t meet. It would have been nice to know before I got there, but o well! Had a movie night with some friends on Friday night - very relaxing, but very late. Yesterday morning is hard to account for, I got started slowly and know I did some work, but mostly little things in the flat and in my room, trying to organise the chaos that is my life right now. The girls’ group was interesting, there were only 5 girls and all about 13 or younger, they’re all friends of a little girl in the church who is actually too young for the group herself, in my opinion, but likes coming and loves bringing friends. We did a very simple craft, covering empty cans with gift wrap to make a cute pencilholder (thanks Lynn, my personal craft-adviser!) which didn’t take very long, although it’s amazing how challenging something like drawing straight lines and cutting out neatly can be for kids who don’t get to do stuff like that in school when they’re young. So I was actually glad that we didn’t finish too ridiculously early. After that back to home and more work…

This morning one of my great total of 2 Mozambican friends came to church with me. Claudia and Rosalina are from Beira and are studying at the Catholic University here. I don’t know how, but they started going to the same Bible study as I, and now that I’m in the flat they live a stones’ throw away in the bairro behind the Makonde buildings. Claudia was sick, so she didn’t come, and Rosalina overslept, but although we were late at least we made it. It was quite interesting - our one leader, Senhor Arnaldo, is the only one of our preachers who is fond of asking a lot of questions in his preaching. In our small, demure congregation, these are mostly treated as rhetorical questions and everyone just waits a moment or two before he supplies his own answer. Rosalina’s voice was quite prominent this morning as she eagerly piped up with the answer a number of time! Since our Bible study actually has very little Bible teaching, I never saw this side of her before. Just at the end of the message, a fairly large lizard that must have been walking around above our heads, dropped onto my lap. Luckily, though disgracefully, my mind had wandered a bit and I just stared at it and then brushed it off, too deep in reverie to scream from fright…

I would really appreciate prayer for the following:

- All the administrative tasks that I need to get done before I leave for South Africa - I would like to have all strings tied and everything in place to start Conference preparations when I get back

- That the Lord would call and bring every pastor whom He wants at the Conference to Nampula this year!

- That I would find grace, time and ideas to prepare my presentation that I need to bring at Constantia Park Baptist Church’s Missions week on the 9th of May

- That I would be able to relax and find joy in my Saviour again instead of feeling vaguely unhappy all day long because of unresolved work issues

Blue Monday, happy Tuesday

Yesterday was NOT a good day. I was running some errands in town, like mailing the “Fe para hoje” (Faith for today) magazines that almost 400 pastors and lay people in Mozambique receive for free (I am not the post office lady’s favourite customer!) and picking up more boxes of books for the “Pastor’s library” programme from the airport. I was using the Woodrows’ Landrover, since it was available and is more sturdy than the Toyota. Unfortunately, I didn’t realise that there was a chance the brake fluid would be all dry, because apparently it leaks out a lot. As a result, in the middle of town I suddenly had no brakes! I feel so bad, I hit someone’s lights on their car, because I could neither turn more sharply nor stop once I had momentum! I was already feeling awful about this and just wanted to take the car back to Woodrows as soon as possible, when I ran into some road works and had to turn around (barely made it) and head up a one-way that suddenly had traffic in both directions, confusing everyone. A chapa was halfway in, halfway out of a parking space, I couldn’t brake and there was something coming from the front - it is just the grace of God that I didn’t hit anyone!

Aside from the drama with the car I had hoped to finally buy my ticket for my trip to South Africa, since I had delayed while making up my mind about my return date, and then needed to first transfer money from my credit card to my current account so that I could pay cash, since wonderful LAM’s credit card machine hardly ever works. I waited over an hour (this was around 16h00 yesterday afternoon) and was then told a much higher price than I was originally given! What made it complicated was that I had originally reserved my tickets at another, smaller office a few blocks away, the raison d’etre of which I can’t fathom, and I now bitterly rue the day I ever wandered in there. So after a very unpleasant conversation with them in which my already over-wrought nerves were more and more strained, I just gave up and only got home when it was very nearly dark. I was so upset that all I got for my trouble was the chance to waste even more time at LAM this morning and still pay the high price. But the Lord was so gracious - I didn’t wait that long, and even though I panicked when I realised I had managed to leave my passport at home and couldn’t remember whether they needed any kind of identification, everything finally went smoothly and I paid even less than I was originally quoted ! Of course now I’m on a guilt trip to the terrible way I handled yesterday’s stress…

Right now, everything seems to be happening at once. Amongst other things, I need to select and package and mail the books for the pastors on the reading programme, as well as send a copy of the Fiel Conference brochure and registration information to everyone on our mailing of over 600! So I’m being kept pretty busy, but at least I can relax about my travel arrangements now.

Soooo glad it’s the weekend

I did not get everything done I wanted to this week, and yesterday especially seemed the day for things being delayed until next week. Getting a proper breakdown of a phone bill and paying for my tickets to SA both have to wait until Monday. I had put my language helper off on Wednesday, so we met yesterday. It was rather a frustrating time, it seemed like we spent more time disagreeing about tiny points of grammar (either he’s not explaining properly, or I’m just dense) than doing anything constructive. Today I went to look at a few more places for a possible new location for the bookshop. This time I told my “guy”, just someone who doesn’t work and has time to scout out properties and doesn’t mind asking people if they want to rent or sell, to look for places for sale, because I saw a wonderful place last week, but suddenly the price was higher when I went to speak to the owner, and she categorically doesn’t want to sell. The only snag is that I have no idea what properties are supposed to cost. I wasted some time at first, because the concept of agreeing on a time and place to meet didn’t quite get across, but got some nice capulanas to take back to SA as gifts, so it was okay. I went home and left about an hour later to work on those magazines. It took me a ridiculously long time to figure out how the heat sealer that our FIEL colleague in SA, Karl Peterson, had sent to me, works - when all else fails, read the manual! It’s such a cool little machine, though, and sealing the packages goes a lot quicker than putting the magazines in in the first place!

My friend Cori wrote a series of blog posts recently about “Relinquishing control”, and that has made me think about all these days that things don’t work out as planned and I tend to get so frustrated. I have been trying to tackle my days with more of an attitude of being willing to accept whatever the Lord brings across my path, content in the knowledge that He knows best how to resolve situations and use my energies. It sort of ties in to the CS Lewis quote I used a few weeks ago, about listening to that other Voice when all our hopes and expectations for the day come rushing at us in the morning. It definitely requires a conscious, disciplined effort from me!

The Lord was really good to me this afternoon - there were 10 girls in my orphanage group! The kids have school holidays at the moment, but it didn’t even occur to me that some girls might come who are usually in school, and of course I didn’t have nearly enough handouts. I’m not sure how much of what I wanted to achieve really came across, because we were competing with the kids who were practising music for some church thing, but that’s in the Lord’s hands.

Last week was lovely and cool, although still summery there was definitely something fresh in the air and I had more energy, I loved it! It wasn’t meant to last though, since Sunday it has been increasingly hotter again. Although I need to go do the rest of these magazines tomorrow morning, I am so glad to be able to rest after this very long and tiring day…

The week so far

Although I miss Allison, right now is not the worst time to be without a flatmate – there is so much to be done, and I can leave my work stuff spread all over the flat without inconveniencing anyone!

On Sunday I finally did a church visit again, something else that came to a grinding halt during the month of March. I went to the Nazarene Church’s main church with my friends Wilfred and Carola van der Kooi, a Dutch couple working with New Horizons, an organization that does community development through chicken farming. Wilfred picked me up, always a bonus, and I was treated to some delicious coffee and Dutch apple pie before the service. I enjoyed the service very much, especially the singing – this congregation is known for its excellent choral group. Basically there is a “formal” group of young people that always sing, and then anyone who wants to can come and practice during the week, and then this more changeable group does an item as well. It was definitely the best I’ve heard in Nampula, and without any musical instruments, too, just beautiful voices harmonizing. The sermon was by a visiting pastor, always frustrating for me J. It was fairly good, on the parable of the ten virgins and how we should maintain our “virginity”, our new person in Christ, to be ready for when He returns. Some of it was still somewhat works-based though – Carola says she is really delighted that their regular pastor doesn’t preach legalistically at all, a rarity in Mozambique. Their reception of visitors was very warm, although I wonder whether anyone really heard what I said. Many churches in Nampula have exactly the same design, and though a solid brick building is much preferable to a mud or bamboo church building, these churches all share the same terrible acoustics! All I did not like, of course, was the altar call… I spent a lovely afternoon of fellowship with the Van der Koois, I’ve really missed that. But it was also nice to be home and relax with a book!

Monday was a public holiday, the Day of the Mozambican Woman. I’m not sure how exactly it was celebrated officially, all I know is that it’s pretty ironic that this day, which presumably had something to do with the empowerment of the Mozambican woman, ended in drunkenness and everything but empowerment and fulfillment for countless women… I worked quietly at home, except for checking on things at Woodrows and wasting a lot of time traveling, thanks to the gardener, who accidentally left his keys in a room I locked up when I left, so that I needed to go back! Not worth my while. Yesterday was a town day, as tomorrow needs to be as well, and today I spent 5 hours putting 376 magazines into little plastic bags and adding the paper with mailing addresses on them (which took me about 3 days to copy and paste and print). Not the most exciting job in the world, but hopefully on Friday I can seal the packages and get them off to the post office in a reasonable amount of time.

All by myself

Allison just left for Beira and she won’t be back until May – and I am leaving at the end of the month, Lord willing, and only coming back after the middle of May! It has been so nice to just have someone to have dinner and watch a movie with, or even just each of us hang out in our rooms and have an early night, just like I would when living with my sister. I have a lot of work to do this month and do enjoy my own company, do like the silence and solitude, but I will really miss Allison as well!

It has been quite a busy working week, and next week I need to get into some kind of routine of going out to Woodrows and checking up on the workers there, keeping record of their working hours, etc. It does get me down sometimes how I can plan to just “quickly” go in to the city, check up on things at the bookshop, maybe quickly walk to Shoprite for something, then maybe decide to walk home instead of taking a chapa – and then hours have passed by the time I get home, plus then I don’t particularly feel like working… Going out to Woodrows is even more time-consuming. But that’s part of life here and something I need to make peace with.

The last two meetings with my orphanage girls went so well, praise the Lord! They really wanted to see the flat, so yesterday Victor and Christina brought them over and then went to do other stuff while we had our regular little study. They have so many questions, which leave me feeling “Did I learn anything at seminary?” I find it so hard sometimes to order my thoughts, and do not know my Bible well enough! Luckily the Lord uses even the weakest of instruments. I love it that they’re talking, writing, interacting with the material, the Lord is so good to me!

Precious, precious water

  Over the weekend our water supply (we don’t have water from 6 in the mornings until usually 10h30, 12h00) was more erratic than usual; then on Monday it only came on at 18h30, and on Tuesday there was nothing! We soon realized that we weren’t properly prepared for something like this, because by the time our househelper left, there was precious little left in all our buckets. Of course we were being careful, and it’s amazing how little water one can use for taking a bucket shower, but just as astonishing how much water you need for washing dishes and doing laundry. So yesterday morning I went over to Woodrows and fetched about 125 litres of water – thank the Lord for that solution! I knew that when the Woodrows had a combination of a broken pump and city water in their area being worked on, they were without running water for quite a while, so I was trying to prepare myself emotionally for dealing with the same thing. Surprisingly, this afternoon at 13h00 the water came back on, and we joyfully filled every container we have, including one more 70 litre drum I bought yesterday. By 14h00 it was off again, and then came on again at 18h30 – odd. Even though I’ve gotten used to not always having running water and not having enough water pressure for proper showers, this has really made me realize how precious water is and how much of daily life depends on it! Hopefully I will appreciate it more in future!

 

I am absolutely swamped with work, serves me right after a whole month of doing almost nothing Fiel-related, I guess, but I don’t much like having deadlines, in my case, my trip to South Africa at the end of April! On the other hand, I always stress myself to death and then everything is done in time, so Lord willing everything will be fine this time as well.