A busy, busy weekend June 30, 2008

I had a whole list of work things to get done this weekend, but things panned out a bit differently. After the usual Saturday morning chores I made it out to the Woodrows for the girls’ crafts group for the first time in I don’t know how long, for what it was worth. Then I needed to hurry back, change and catch another chapa to take me to SIL, where I was attending the farewell of the Prestons, a couple who have been with SIL in Nampula for seven years, but are now leaving on furlough and to fill a support position in South Africa. It was lovely to see some people again, since I’ve been living like a hermit recently… I got home around 19h30, and, to my dismay, my weekend guard hadn’t shown up – after all my anxiety of the previous two nights! Once again my missionary friends came to the rescue though – one family live less than a block away (and are therefore constantly being asked for favours! ) and they had a relative of their guard staying there who could come over and guard for me, and so he was also here on Sunday night. I was so grateful, because by then I was so tired and needed to sleep, and the Lord also graciously diminished my fears and made me realise truly how fruitless my worrying about hypothetical situasions is.

Sunday was unfortunately also far from restful. The morning’s service was a great blessing, as we had the privilege of having two of our dear teenagers baptised – a young girl called Ancha (whose father is one of the leaders in the congregation) and Andrew Woodrow. Our wood-and-bamboo church building obviously doesn’t have a baptismal font, so we all went outside into the garden, singing hymns as we went, to the cistern that is always used for this purpose.

After any baptism we always have a “cup of water”, which is actually refreshments, and there was also a kind of serious game going on where our new members had to answer some questions, with the end in view that the congregation would get to know them a bit better. I had to run out on this, though, as I had many other things planned for the afternoon. A friend gave me a ride, and I tried to withdraw money (so that I wouldn’t be as visible as in the middle of the week on foot), but the ATM’s were out of money, I guess because of the end of the month. Then we went out to SIL and I got some cuttings from this incredibly thorny shrub they have there – the idea is to try and plant a hedge outside our veranda, time will tell whether it is successful.

On top of all this and planning to go over to the Rogers’ for the Eurocup final, late afternoon I got the message that I was invited to the birthday dinner of Claudia, my one Mozambican friend, at 18h30. It was eventually I, my friend Clemilda and another Brazilian missionary who is also a dentist, Ida, who went from our Bible study group, the rest were all either study friends or family or what have you. It wasn’t an unpleasant evening, but we did end up talking to each other mostly. Claudia and her boyfriend also came quite late, and I did not want to miss the start of the game, so I was quite adamant that we leave in good time . Planning something like that for a Sunday evening was a bit inconvenient for all, I’m not sure why that was decided…

This is a horrible picture… but anyway me, Clemila, Ida and Claudia

After all this acitivity, I must say it took every ounce of energy to enjoy the soccer game at all… and after a while, I desperately didn’t want Germany to score as well, because I couldn’t bear the thought of overtime. Today I was, predictably, tired, and don’t feel I got that much done, but Dr Woodrow and I had a good meeting with the SIL people we are coordinating with for the Conference, and even though on a lot of matters we are still desperately praying and not sure how we’re going to get things done, I feel a bit more restful and able to trust, once again, that the Lord is in control and will override our failings in such a way that His name will be glorified, notwithstanding our own opinion on how things turn out.

Learning to deal with fear June 28, 2008

In spite of everything that has happened recently, I can honestly say that up to now I wasn’t really fearful. On Thursday evening, though, as our guard was walking with me to a friend’s flat to go and watch the soccer, he mentioned that everything is fine the first few hours of the night, when people are still walking up and down the road behind our building. But at about 1h00 or 2h00 in the morning, some guys have come to our verande more than once, leaving when they see the guard getting up and coming towards them. Somehow the idea that people were still constantly trying their luck really upset me, and the last two nights I have had a really hard time falling asleep, and I keep on imagining that I hear things. I was also too paranoid to withdraw money in town, since it is the end of the month and because I feel so conspicuous now. I have felt nervous in South Africa and when driving at night practically give myself whiplash as I check my blind spots at red traffic lights, but I’ve never experienced the amount of fearfulness that I have now.

All this lying awake has given me a lot of opportunity to think and pray about this, and I also had a look at some of the Scriptures that talk about fear:

Ps 3:5-6

I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me.

I will not be afraid of many thousands of people who have set themselves

against me all around.

Ps 4:8

In peace I will both lie down and sleep;

for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

Ps 27:1,3

The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?

The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear.

Ps 56:3-4

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust.

What can flesh do to me?

I see these well-known verses in a different light now that I experience fear than before! I hope I can find the grace to use this experience to grow closer to God and become acquainted with a new dimension of trusting Him and His sovereign purposes with my life. And yet it is a struggle against my flesh and requires an act of the will to meditate on the glory of eternal life, compared with anything bad that can happen in this life.

Looking for a graphic designer June 25, 2008

A few months ago we took the first step towards a more professional image for our ministries by hiring a graphic designer in South Africa to design a logo for the Biblioteca Fiel for us. We were pleased with her work and wanted her to go on to redesign a logo, letterhead etc. for Grace Missions – but sadly, she has gone to the UK for 2 years and isn’t available anymore to do work for us!

Therefore, I am hoping that someone out there knows a good designer who is available to do freelance work (I’m not sure what designers’ work arrangements normally are). It’s not a free job, don’t worry, we just want someone with creativity and ability – perhaps a Christian who would be happy to use their skill to help out a small corner of the world where the Lord’s Name is being proclaimed?

Security status, prayer update June 22, 2008

Since our recent break-in, we have been trying to figure out how to best and perhaps least-expensively improve the security in our flat. While I was in SA I bought a motion-detector light, with the thinking that anybody who came close to the veranda would then be full in this bright light and hopefully scared off by it. So one of my friends was here the whole morning yesterday with a Mozambican from his church, they got all dirty and went to a lot of trouble, but the end result is that the lights work and can be used as normal lights, but the motion sensor doesn’t work for some reason. We keep going back and forth on whether we should get the burglar bars on our veranda completely redone, get stronger doors between the veranda and kitchen and living room, get burglar bars on those windows… And nothing can ever happen the next day, we are always dependent on some man who is able to help us out, on someone with transportation to go and get stuff, and the time that we ourselves have available to stay home while someone is working here. I am quite weary of all this delibaration!

This morning, Allison left for Maputo, from where she will go on to Brazil, Lord willing, and will only be back in August. She let us know that the plane had to make an emergency landing because of a fire – but nobody was harmed, praise the Lord! Angie came back from a Bible translation dedication this afternoon, but leaves for a break with another single missionary on Tuesday. so I will be by myself for up to two weeks. I don’t want to be fearful, and I know that our trust is in the Lord and not in any security measures, but I’m still not overjoyed at the thought.

I would appreciate your prayers for the following:

- the safety of us personally and our flat and possessions

- that all the preparations for the Fiel conference would go smoothly and that all our books would arrive in time!

- that I will have energy for all the different things I need to focus on in the weeks ahead, and will yet continue to seek the Lord’s face above anything else

Back home once again June 21, 2008

For the present, I have done enough travelling! Since my last post, I left for South Africa on the 11th of June, and arrived at 18h30. A friend picked me up from the airport, and then we had to go to the house of some friends who stay in Silver Lakes – to pick up a car that they were kindly letting me borrow to use to drive down to Vryheid with. My sister went through a pothole on the way down the other day and didn’t fancy the idea of me driving with her car without a spare tyre. The Lord has really been spoiling me! I drove down to Vryheid the morning of the 12th, and came back on the 19th, so I had just about one solid week with my mom.

I had some work I thought I would get to – but I didn’t really… My mom’s two brothers were also there for the first few days, and so everyone was basically really busy in the house and garden, sorting out quite a lot of stuff for my mom. I mostly vegged in front of the television and tried to get my mom to watch “The lives of others” with me for more than 15 minutes at a time. I think I did realise my goal with the week though, namely to rest, to get some spiritual refreshment and to help my mom on the basic level of doing stuff in the house and in town for her so that she can relax a bit before going back to work.

The Friday after I got there, I received the sad news that a friend of mine from school – we were in  the same class since grade 5 – had died in a motorcycle accident. My grandmother gets to be 87 and undergoes suffering almost beyond the point of endurance before the Lord finally takes her home, and Jan Hendrik dies less than a month after turning 27 and just when life was really going well for him and he was more than ever his parents’ pride and joy. All this has reminded me how mysterious the doctrine of God’s sovereignty is, and how we can’t presume to know His ways and thoughts. And yet I believe the only way to greater insight is through embracing His sovereignty and resting in it, trusting Him to know best how to work for His glory and our joy.

Leaving my mom again was no fun, I really had to block out all thoughts of her being alone frome now on and force myself not to cry. And yet I know the Lord is looking after her and that none of us are ever truly alone. More than five hours’ driving brought me back to Pretoria, where I had a few precious hours with my sister Jacomien, who had gotten back from Italy just hours before. And then bright and early yesterday morning I was on my way to the airport again… Once again it was such a blessing to come home to somebody, this time Allison, and to be able to spend a bit of time with her before she leaves for Brazil for more than a month on Sunday. Now I can just trust the Lord to give me the energy and presence of mind to get back into working mode and get my mind around everything that needs to be done!

A gift from the Lord June 9, 2008

The rest of the weekend passed quietly and without further incident (not that we were expecting anything). Everyone who hears the story thinks someone knew I had this money and came exclusively for that (we thought Allison’s phone had been on the table and was taken, but she found it at the office…), so even though it’s creepy in one way, it’s somewhat comforting to think that our place wasn’t being targeted by anyone who had a general intent of housebreaking. I didn’t want to go anywhere or really be left alone at home on Saturday evening, so two of the three Canadian linguistics interns who have been helping Allison and others at SIL came over with some food and we just watched a movie here. I didn’t go to church yesterday, since I was still feeling miserable from my cold, and it was actually nice to catch up on reading and a few small chores I haven’t gotten around to. I purposely didn’t go to Missionary Fellowship, because on Saturday Leah Preston, one of the soon-to-be-ex centre managers at SIL, asked me if I would still want to go to South Africa if I could, if money or getting on a flight were no object. She said they had contacts at LAM who could get me even on a “full” flight if it were necessary, and she would simply mention the matter at the missionary fellowship. I felt a little weird about all this, and once again worried about neglecting work, but I just decided that it was all out of my hands and that if the Lord wanted it to work out, He would. The end of the matter is that members of the missionary community generously contributed, my ticket was purchased this morning and I am flying on Wednesday, coming back next Friday. All I need to figure out is how I’m getting to Pretoria from the airport and then to Vryheid. To me this has been a wonderful instance of having the Lord “act for” me and take circumstances entirely out of my control. I also feel very loved and very much belonging to missionaries here! May I get back refreshed and emotionally ready to carry on with my responsibilities!

Enough drama to last us a while June 7, 2008

This has been quite a week. It started out normally enough – I was quite obsessively busy with work, feeling that I was finally getting a grip on my responsibilities and busily adding items to my to-do list and coming home every evening after a day at Woodrows doing a bit more before winding down for the day. I was incredibly grateful that the Lord had pulled me together a bit and that I didn’t feel so overwhelmed by everything anymore! Then, about 4h30 on Thursday morning, my mom phoned to tell me that my grandmother had passed away. She was 87 and had had cancer of the lymph nodes for over 4 years, and most recently had been suffering terribly, so as far as she was concerned, I was very relieved. I did, however, very much want to be with my mom, as my sister has to leave for Italy on Monday evening and therefore can’t stay with her very long. Thus began two days of agonizing over the decision of going or not, especially as I couldn’t possibly get a flight in time to make it to the funeral, so then the question was whether it was “worthwhile” going down just for the opportunity to spend some good time with my mom, who will be all alone in the house from now on. I had already gone to the ATM and withdrawn a whole bunch of cash for the ticket, which I of course ended up not using straight away. Yesterday morning I got up with an awful cold to boot, so I was feeling quite discouraged at the blow my work momentum had taken, and still not one hundred percent certain whether I would just stay here, or maybe go down to SA later in the week.

On top of all this emotional turmoil, we got up to quite a shock this morning. It was sometime after 8h00 and I was looking for my wallet to give money to our Saturday guard (who has now more become our Saturday morning errand guy and doesn’t work all day). I couldn’t find my bag anywhere, which is usually slung over the back of the chair at my desk. Angie was even helping me look, and it just seemed ridiculous that I couldn’t see it anywhere. Finally she opened the door to the veranda and said “Here it is,” and it took us some seconds to realise that I hadn’t misplaced it there, happening to scatter its contents on the floor… someone had cut our screen, bent open some of the grates and crawled through this hole, came into my room and grabbed the bag. What an awful realisation! Negative: all those thousands of meticais were of course gone. And at first I freaked out and thought my bank card, credit card etc. were all gone too, because they were not in my wallet. And they took Allison’s phone from the table in the living room. Positive: they didn’t take anything else, not even perfume spray or my international driver’s license. And just this week I had taken my passport and ID out of my documents bag and put them in a drawer in my room, instead leaving just a certified copy of my passport. And nothing else was taken, not even my camera, slung over the other side of the same chair, or as much as a flashdisk. So it must have been a quick job done by hardly any light.

In spite of all the things to be thankful for, we were of course pretty upset and feeling, I believe the term usually used, “violated”. Thankfully the house was soon full of SIL people, someone to take Allison to the police station and others who put up some plywood to temporarily at least block the hole on the veranda screen, and others who just sat and talked with us and showed their support. Allison and Angie, who have been my pillars of strength since Thursday, praying with me and encouraging me and listening to me, were also kindness itself and completely willing to help absorb some of the financial loss, since they see it as “we had money stolen”, not “Salome had money stolen”. They are such a joy and blessing in my life! And we just praise the Lord that nothing happened to any of us and that the damage was limited.

We would all appreciate your prayers as we continue to deal with this situation – may the Lord’s Name be somehow glorified in all of this!

Another end of the month June 1, 2008

Well, it was another humdinger of a month end. I went over to the Woodrows on Friday morning and had some other work to do before Dr Woodrow had had time to look over the workers’ timesheets and things and we could start doing the payslips. I was really in my element, getting confused and needing to re-do things. Finally by about 16h00 I left, but I still need to redo the social security documents tomorrow! This was rather discouraging, I start wondering why the Lord has given me the desire and opportunity to be here at all if I do my job so badly!

Yesterday I did the end of the month stuff for the bookshop – putting the sales data into the computer, printing the new documentation the workers need, etc. In the afternoon there was a big farewell and kitchen tea for Ione, the one Brazilian missionary who has been here for about 12 years. She’s going to Brazil to get married – at 40 something! – and then hopes to return with her husband in March 2009. Everyone from her church friends to all the guys she plays volleyball with on Saturdays were invited, so there was quite a lot of people – once again one of those occasions where I know a lot of people but still don’t really have anyone to talk to! The food was nice though, and I liked the fact that even though there was some fun and silliness, it wasn’t excessive, and it was also a laid-back atmosphere where I felt free to leave when I got tired and could make use of a ride back. At least I finished my work last night and can have a restful Sunday.

I went to church at Woodrows today, and it was nice seeing everyone again. I feel so convicted about the fact that I don’t speak to people about the gospel, and it takes so long to cultivate any kind of friendship, and yet there are all my responsibilities resting on me. I truly need wisdom in order to find the right balance in my life!