In spite of everything that has happened recently, I can honestly say that up to now I wasn’t really fearful. On Thursday evening, though, as our guard was walking with me to a friend’s flat to go and watch the soccer, he mentioned that everything is fine the first few hours of the night, when people are still walking up and down the road behind our building. But at about 1h00 or 2h00 in the morning, some guys have come to our verande more than once, leaving when they see the guard getting up and coming towards them. Somehow the idea that people were still constantly trying their luck really upset me, and the last two nights I have had a really hard time falling asleep, and I keep on imagining that I hear things. I was also too paranoid to withdraw money in town, since it is the end of the month and because I feel so conspicuous now. I have felt nervous in South Africa and when driving at night practically give myself whiplash as I check my blind spots at red traffic lights, but I’ve never experienced the amount of fearfulness that I have now.
All this lying awake has given me a lot of opportunity to think and pray about this, and I also had a look at some of the Scriptures that talk about fear:
Ps 3:5-6
I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me.
I will not be afraid of many thousands of people who have set themselves
against me all around.
Ps 4:8
In peace I will both lie down and sleep;
for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.
Ps 27:1,3
The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear.
Ps 56:3-4
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust.
What can flesh do to me?
I see these well-known verses in a different light now that I experience fear than before! I hope I can find the grace to use this experience to grow closer to God and become acquainted with a new dimension of trusting Him and His sovereign purposes with my life. And yet it is a struggle against my flesh and requires an act of the will to meditate on the glory of eternal life, compared with anything bad that can happen in this life.
July 2, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Hey…just finished reading your blog. I’m so sorry that you’ve been having such a hard time with the safety issue. On the second trip that we took overseas I was a total wreck about safety and was worried and nervous, but I was encouraged by Phil. 4:6 & 7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” May the Peace of God guard your heart from fear and your mind from worry! We’ll be praying!